If you didn't care what happened to me

Friday, September 26, 2008
Still kind of discouraged today. Fridays can be tough because it just seems I’ve completed another week of failure. At least I’m not overwhelmed. The boys forgot their mother’s birthday on “Malcolm in the Middle.” Went to Springfield with Gabby, go groceries and hit Walmart. Finally got a much needed Toaster at Target. Much needed because the staple of my diet is bread. Ate at Bob Evans, my favorite place, and I’m glad our regular waiter was not there. Last time I was there he didn’t even ask for my order, he just asked if I would have the regular meal. I don’t like to be the type of person that stands out in any situation but he obviously remembers me. I’m much more comfortable hiding in the shadows.

Tonight was the first Presidential debate despite earlier claims from McCain that he might not attend. Foreign policy was the main topic of the night but considerable time was given to the current economic crisis we are experiencing. Unless one candidate makes a huge mistake, which neither Obama or McCain did, I don’t know how anyone can say there is a winner and a loser in debates. It is human nature that whoever you tend to favor prior to the debate is who you will think performed better. Nothing has changed for me, I’m still leaning to Obama. My dad hates Obama.

If you didn't care what happened to me, And I didn't care for you, We would zig zag our way, through the boredom and pain, Occasionally glancing up through the rain, Wondering which of the buggers to blame, And watching for pigs on the wing.

I usually write about how the whole world is against me. While this is still true, I’m not completely naïve. I know many people in America and throughout the world have much worse problems than I face. This doesn’t make my worries and concerns any less real or substantial, but there is plenty of misery out there to go around. There are people in America and throughout the world that literally have nowhere to turn, no one to help them and they can’t even feed themselves or their families. These people would laugh at my problems. But this does not make me feel any better. It just keeps me grounded and reinforces many of my negative perspectives about our world.

For example, I wish our country wasn’t built and based on competition and competing interests. This exists in every country to some existent and is it does provide some benefits. But America is one of the most competitive countries and I wish we based our society more on cooperation than competition. There are worse places, Japan comes to mind, because competition in everything (school, jobs) is so fierce. But, Japan also has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Can’t we recognize that often, we can accomplish much more together than we can alone? Everything shouldn’t be a zero sum game. Unfortunately we are taught about competition from a very early age. It is important to get better grades than your friends to you get into the best college, so you can get the best job, so you get buy the biggest house and drive the nicest car. Life is so competitive, and we are so busy and stressed, when we get a moment to breath, we often ask ourselves, “Where has all the time (or my life) gone?” After all, religious, non-religious, conservative, liberal, black, white, we’re all in this together. Finally, I understand the feelings of the few, ashes and diamonds, foe and friend, we were all equal in the end.