Goodbye Stranger

Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sunny and 80 degrees here. The housekeeper (“Road Dog” as I call her) came today. I left around noon for my appointment with the counselor. Again, I want to mention that on a personal level I really like my counselor, I’m just concerned it won’t be as successful with me as it is from some others. For the first half hour I watched the clock and thought how this is a waste of my time and money. During the second half hour we discussed coping skills and what to do when you feel a panic attack coming on. There was nothing life altering here and really nothing that I couldn’t find on the internet or a book for free but she did discuss some good ideas. She commented that my light blue shirt looks really good on me and that is my perfect color. She also said I should take up the guitar because “she can really see me playing it.” Apparently I fit the guitar-playing stereotype? She should have seen me when my hair was a lot longer. Also, she advised that exercising is a great way to deal with anxiety, also reading something stimulating, keeping a stress ball around and having someone to talk to. She asked if I ever try talking to mom (even though she is no longer here) since she used to be my confident. I said I don’t, because I know she can’t hear or help me now. However, I do sometimes think about what advice she might have given if she were here. Also told the counselor that I’m concerned that I won’t ever be able to financially support myself for a long period of time without having a breakdown.

Goodbye stranger its been nice, Hope you find your paradise, Tried to see your point of view, Hope your dreams will all come true, Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane, Will we ever meet again, Feel no sorrow, feel no shame, Come tomorrow, feel no pain.

The republicans say Joe Biden keeps putting his foot in his mouth (which is true) and they think Obama will replace him and pick a new VP candidate soon. Clay Aiken came out today to People magazine and Lindsey Lohan admitted she is dating her female friend. Neither admission is a surprise.

Dad got 2 hunting knives from Jim in the mail and I think he really likes them. It is so nice of Jim to just randomly send gifts over. Dad said Rich and Shirley came by tonight on their bikes and Rich said he thinks I will get a call from Bunn and there is a job I might be interested in there. We’ll see. I hope it isn’t another let down. I can’t handle something like my previous jobs in insurance.

Watched Bill O’Reilly tonight since the woman from “hotforwords.com” was one of his guests. She alone makes the show worth watching! Also caught a show on discovery about “Ancient Killing Machines” which were basically gruesome torture devices, such as the burning bull and the crucifixion. It is impossible to understand why people are so mean to each other.

Read chapter 4 of my book on Existentialism which, oddly enough, was about existential anxiety. The book describes how this anxiety makes “the everyday world of your routine seem insignificant and meaningless.” Yes! That is exactly how I feel. Also, it is explained has existentialism anxiety makes one feel alienated and causes one to realize the whole way the world is structured and how others understand the world in a meaningful sense really has no foundation. The upside (if you would call it that) is the anxiety reveals that the world is nothing and we are nothing but, this nothingness gives us the freedom to give our lives meaning however we choose. Existentialism reached the height of its popularity in the 1940’s and 1950’s. I’m surprised there aren’t more existential philosophers in the modern period.