This won't hurt

Monday, October 6, 2008
I’m really starting to get discouraged now. The Dow Jones fell 369 points after being down as much as 800 points. This is the first time the dow has closed (9,955) below 10,000 in 4 years. The whole economy is at a standstill now. There just isn’t anyone hiring. I got a new bill from my therapist showing that the insurance payments are still pending. With no money coming in, it concerns me. I’m thinking about canceling my therapist appointment next week. If the therapy helps, which I am not sure if it does yet, then I need it to get better. But at the same time, I have no money coming in and that increases my anxiety. It is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. There isn’t a whole lot my therapist can do for me now anyway since I’m unemployed and my major concern is finding and keeping employment. I don’t know what I’ll do at this point.

Listened to “CoastToCoastAM” which had Neil Howe as the guest. Howe discussed his work on generations and how they affect American history. He said there are 4 generation types that repeat throughout our history and they repeat in the same order. The current generation, which will last until the late 2020’s, is the crisis generation. This generation involves change and instability. Went to Springfield with Gabby. We ate at Subway and got 2 more gallons of paint at Sears. Of course, Gabby had more trouble at Sears, they didn’t have 2 cans of the same tint of paint he had previously bought. He had to settled for a different tint but the salesman took $10 off. Gabby said he would never buy paint from Sears again since he’s had so much trouble with them over the last couple weeks. On “Big Bang Theory” Sheldon got Penny addicted to online video games. On “Two and a Half Men” Allen dated 2 women at the same time and Jake got drunk. Also, watched “Locked up abroad – Maylasia.” I’ve realized from watching Locked up abroad that I would much rather be shot and killed than kidnapped and held hostage. Of course I can’t say that with 100% certainty unless I was really faced with that situation. But I do know it would be a horrible situation for my family and myself. Besides, I rarely enjoy life now, as a free person, why would I want to live as a hostage?

Final note that Hunter S. Thompson left for his wife before his death: "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt."

Angela sent me a text asking about meeting Wednesday night so we made plans to hit Bob Evans. I can tell she is really excited to see me. This is about the only good thing I have going for me now. Yet, this is just the latest example of how the moon (darkness) always eclipses the sun (light) in life because while I’m very happy at this development, it is coming at a time when I’ve been feeling down and have little going for me. I can’t just enjoy our visit because I will have to hide my recent breakdown and current unemployment. That means I have to hide a big part of who I am now. I’m not saying I won’t tell her about it in the future, but when you haven’t seen someone for nearly a year, you don’t drop all this on him or her at once.