Let's go back to the start

Sunday, October 5, 2008
The dogs let me know that old man Carl was here at 9am this morning. Surely he will finish his painting today. Listened to a couple “CoastToCoastAM” shows. The first show had investment advisor Catherine Austin Fitts. She explained we've been draining value out of the real economy. She advised that the bailout bill that passed will just funnel investments into propping up the economic bubble because the plan will actually send money from Main St. to Wall Street, instead of the reverse. I agree with this and what concerns me is America is supposed to be the world’s economic power but we don’t make anything anymore. America’s wealth today comes from moving money around (the financial economy) but more and more of the real products we use in life, cars, clothes, etc, all are made in other countries. The 2nd C2C show had Richard Dooling as the guest. Dooling explained how Moore’s law suggests we will have computers with artificial intelligence that rivals the human brain by 2015. He also explained how the “Turing Test” can be used to determine if computers can actually think for themselves in the future.

Dad went to Springfield to get more paint and then worked on the farm. I exercised on the treadmill and went outside with the Chow. I applied to a business assistant position at a dental office but I doubt anything will come of it. While mailing my application at the post office, I ran into our church pastor, Reverend Mulhand. I was uncomfortable seeing him since I haven’t been to church since the candlelight service last Christmas Eve. Watched “Desperate Housewives” in which Lynette pretended to be a girl on the internet that was interested in her son and Bree’s new career gives her little time to spend with her husband.

Come up to meet you, Tell you I'm sorry, You don't know how lovely you are, I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart, Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Oh let's go back to the start, Runnin' in circles, Comin' up tails, Heads on the science apart, Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part, Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard, Oh take me back to the start.

Called Angela and she was helping her friend Christine move so she called back. We had a really good conversation and spoke for an hour and twenty minutes. It is easy to forget how “out of the loop” you are when you have a breakdown and withdraw from everyone around you. Angela said Brett was caught cheating on Katie several times so instead of setting a wedding date, they broke up. That was all news to me! I asked Angela if she would like to meet Tuesday but she said she has a therapy appointment that night. Yes, she is seeing a therapist! She felt a need to reassure me that she is not crazy (which she isn’t) and she has no idea of my most recent breakdown. Coincidentally, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Tuesday as well. I wanted to make sure we don’t have any of the same doctors and we don’t, she said her therapist’s name is Jo Ann. That is why I like her so much, we have a lot in common. Also, many more people than we would probably guess probably see therapists too. It’s like depression, no one talks about it publicly but when you mention it, you find out so many of your friends and relatives have suffered from it at one point or another. Anyway, Angela was telling me about a coworker she used to date but is completely over him now. That is fine with me, I don’t need a girlfriend, I just need a reliable friend that I can talk to in my life. She still seems really interested in me and said she’ll call back Tuesday to make some plans. I have high hopes but that is probably a bad thing. I know that the darkness will always overshadow the light in my life so I should be ready for an eventual letdown. I feel bad when I’m talking to her because I haven’t told her about my depression and that I’m unemployed now. I don’t want to lie to her but I’m just ashamed and not ready to disclose it yet.