Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Woke up to a text message from Angela that she has a corneal abrasion and her eyes are red and swollen. So we won’t meet tonight as planned. Bummer. I hope she gets better soon. I was looking forward to seeing her. It is only Wednesday but it is apparent this will be another week in which I accomplish nothing. What a waste.
Dad and I cut away part of the fence next to the shed to Carl could paint there. I think Old Man Carl completely finished painting the house and shed today. Read the chapter in my book about Existential Psychology. The chapter detailed existential psychologists Rollo May, Carl Rogers, and Viktor Frankl. The Dow dropped again today even though the U.S. Federal Reserve gathered with the Banks of England, Europe and Asia to have an emergency 0.5% interest rate cut across the world. Things are bad out there.
I'm so happy, cause today, I found my friends, they're in my head, I'm so ugly, that's ok, cause so are you, we've broken our mirrors, Sunday morning, is everyday, for all I care and I'm not scared, light my candles, in a daze, cause I've found God.
Before bed, I decided to give Angela a call. We talked for nearly 2 hours. I always enjoy our conversations and we agreed to meet tomorrow night. I’m starting to have second thoughts about meeting up with her. I won’t back out or anything like that, I just feel like I’m opening myself up to pain again. Whenever I breakout and do social things it usually comes back to bite me. When I am alone, I am lonely and unhappy but at least I feel safer. When we meet, unbeknownst to her, her current career and personal success will just remind me about how little I have accomplished. It is easier to be alone and blissfully ignorant. When I’m social, I see other people accomplishing things I haven’t. Out there in the real world it is scary. It is very sad but I’m much safer and comfortable in my bedroom. My bedroom is my safe haven, my fantasy world but that is ok, everyone knows and likes me there.
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2 comments:
One of the worst things we can do to ourselves is compare ourselves to others. Somehow we always end up feeling inferior and miserable. Go easy on yourself and realize you're a valuable equal regardless of whether you're working or had a breakdown, etc... These things don't define who you are as a person.
I prefer to live in my little "bubble" too, rather than wander into the real world.
Don't be discouraged by other people's accomplishments. They're doing what they want to do or have to do. You have the same right to that, to live your life how you see fit, and to accomplish what you want. What you consider to be an accomplishment, it is.
I think this blog is an accomplishment. I think that finding a relevant phrase from a miscellaneous song for your blog each day is an amazing accomplishment, it baffles me! I think your knowledge on various subjects is inspiring. You are not what you think. You are much better than what you say. I only know you through a few words and I see you have qualities.
Friends like Angela don't come around every day... it sounds like she's a treasure. Don't give that up based on your discouragement, ok?
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