Running on empty

Tuesday, October 7, 2008
It is rainy and gloomy outside. Listened to guest David Hagberg on “CoastToCoastAM” who discussed US-Russian relations and the true story behind “The Hunt for Red October.” The Dow fell 508 points today to close at 9,447. Basically, the American economy is going to Hell in a hand basket. It is almost universally agreed that the 4th quarter of this year will be even worse than the 3rd and will include increased unemployment. Ford Motor Company, the second-largest U.S. automaker after GM, tumbled 21 percent to $2.92, the lowest price since April 1983. Yes, Ford is worth as much today as it was 25 years ago and that is without even adjusting for inflation!

I went to my Psychiatrist appointment today and when I got within about 2 miles of his office, my Blazer just shut down, including the power steering. I was on a busy main street as well but luckily I (literally) coasted into a Napa Auto Parts store. It appeared that my battery was dead so I immediately called dad and he came Springfield to rescue me. We were both certain that I wasn’t out of gas but since my gas gauge has been acting up, we got 2 gallons of gas and filled it into the Blazer. Sure enough, the Blazer started right up! So that is the good news, there doesn’t appear to be any major problems. I need to get my gas gauge fixed soon since it still showed my tank as 3/4 full after dad only put 2 gallons in. Dad is going to have his friend in Virginia work on the Blazer next week. This is another time that I don’t know what I would have done if dad wasn’t there to help me. The simple answer is I probably would not be here either. I could not go to my Dr. appointment so I notified the Dr. and he called back later to reschedule for next week. I accomplished nothing today.

I’m so annoyed. I don’t even care about the 2nd Presidential debate that took place tonight. All I can say is as the economy goes down, Obama’s polling numbers continue to rise. I think he’s got an 80% chance of being our next President. Tomorrow I am supposed to meet Angela and I hope I don’t blow it.

Though they'll never fathom it, behind my sarcasm desperate memories lie, sweetheart, sweetheart are you fast, asleep? Good. 'Cause that's the only time that I can really speak to you, and there is something that I've locked away a memory that is too painful, to withstand the light of day.

Friedrich Nietzsche is just about the final Existential philosopher I will discuss in detail. I’m not a big fan of Nietzsche. I like to think this is because I disagree with several aspects of his philosophy but it is possible that I am just unnerved because I fall into his description of someone living a life of “slave morality.” Nietzsche said it is important to investigate who you are. I agree with that easily enough but he also says to be authentic individuals we should embrace and welcome change. While he is correct, change is constant both in life and on an individual level, I am horrible at dealing with change. In fact, I hate change. I hate when semesters end and all your classes change, I hate changing jobs, I hate taking a different route to work that I am not comfortable with. Nietzsche also introduced his “Doctrine of the Eternal Recurrence” which expresses the view that time is cyclical and that we will live every moment of our lives over and over an infinite number of times, each time exactly the same. For him, we should aim to live conscious of the fact that each moment will be repeated infinitely, and we should feel only supreme joy at the prospect. This doctrine seems very metaphysical and out of place to me. Next, I am not a “noble” person according to Nietzsche because my life is a psychological train wreck without purpose and direction. Also, to be noble, he said we should reject dogma and avoid the herd mentality (ie “Think for yourself” as Timothy Leary would say). A “noble” person’s life is filled with self-affirmation and self-love while a slave’s life is filled with frustration and pain and suffering. Finally, Nietzsche condemns Christianity as a vehicle for “slave morality” because it embraces the weak, the suffering, and espouses compassion for those than can’t help themselves. But is that a bad thing? I think compassion and helping others is a very noble quality to have and our ability to empathize with others is part of what makes us human. My mom was someone that was weak (health wise) and taking care of her was not only the noble thing to do, it was just about the only thing that gave meaning to my life. I’ll admit I’m also biased because I too am weak, mentally. Does that make me any less of a person than anyone else? I hope not. We should embrace compassion.