We all live under the rain

Thursday, September 18, 2008
It was a beautiful day outside, sunny and 80 degrees. I think I have the laptop computer working all right so I spent the afternoon working on the living room computer again. It has to have a virus or Trojan infecting it. Downloaded a free antivirus – program that helped but didn’t fix everything. I finally figured out that I have the “winxp2008” virus so I downloaded a new software tool called “malwarebytes” that removed the virus. So, it took several removal programs and literally, all day and night both today and yesterday, but the living room computer is working better. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

2 years ago today I started my job at BlueCross. I actually received the phone call offering the job on Sept 7th, 2006 while I was at mom’s funeral. That whole month of September was a blur. I remember trying to look forward, start a new life with my new career, after mom passed but that was a charade. I mean, I tricked myself into thinking it was working for about a month but I was only fooling myself. I know the people that are still at BlueCross are unhappy. I received a text message from Hilton today and he joked that they won’t let him have shoe laces at work because he might try to kill himself! I told him I could relate and that I thought about using my phone cord at work to put myself out of my misery (we were both only joking).

I can still remember the song that was playing in my head the day I was in the hospital as mom was dying. It’s strange, I love Pink Floyd and everything about them, I’m also a big fan of John Lennon but it was a Matchbox 20 song in my head on that horrible day. “Bright Lights” – “when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world.” It is true and I have been lost since then. Don’t get me wrong, dad has been great and has become my rock but it was mom that got me through most of life’s problems.

I think I’ve seen every episode of “A Haunting” and “Malcolm in the Middle” so dad and I watched Jeopardy while he was home over lunch. “48 hours” was about a teenage girl battling anorexia and then men and women with body dimorphic disorder. “Wicked Attraction” on the discovery health channel was about a mother and son con-artist team. Watched Seinfeld before bed, it was the “Andrea Dora” episode and Kramer acts like a dog.

For once, I’m going to make a dramatic change and end on a positive note. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. Nothing special is going on but I just feel it will be a good day. Maybe I’ll get that job phone call I’ve been waiting for. Maybe it will be something else. At least I won’t have to spend the entire day working on the stupid computer!