Monday, September 15, 2008
Watched “A haunting” this morning. Gabby called to say Rich might be able to help me get a job at Bunn. It would probably be a good place to work but I’m not sure what types of positions are available. For now, I’ll remain skeptical. Rich did come by tonight so I gave my resume and cover letter to him. Dad has examiners at work now so he told me how financially strapped he is now. Although I already knew it, this was another downer. The Dow Jones dropped 504 points this afternoon and the economy is in the gutters. Lehman Brothers filed the largest bankruptcy in American history. Called the pharmacy and they confirmed my prescriptions are in so I’ll pick it up tomorrow. Saw the Chow and walked on the treadmill.
I just saw that Richard Wright, the keyboardist for Pink Floyd, died today. How sad is that? News reports say he was 65 and lost his battle with cancer. I didn’t even know he had cancer! That is 2 members of my favorite rock band that have passed away in the last 2 years and the remaining members are getting up there too. I hope Roger Waters, my favorite musician of all-time, lives a long life. He has influenced me so much, I hate to think of living in this world when he is no longer with us. But, back to Wright, I am very saddened. Rest in peace, my friend.
It’s odd, I don’t believe in anything paranormal so I think psychics and all that pseudoscience is fantasy but I honestly had a premonition about this. Not that Wright specifically would die, but late last night, around 2am, I got up and looked at the news on the internet because I had a feeling someone in Pink Floyd had died and I wanted to make sure there was no bad news about Roger anywhere. I don’t understand it but it is most likely just a coincidence.
Before bed, I watched “Locked up abroad” which took place in Pakistan. I really like that show! I’ve noticed again tonight I feel isolated and alienated. I’ve felt this way the last couple of nights but it is building up too. Night is usually my favorite time but lately, that is when the dark forebodings have started to set in. I feel totally disconnected from the world. I’m still not living, just surviving and I don’t see anything that will change that. I’m not at rock bottom now, when that occurs I literally sit in the family room chair and don’t move, don’t eat, don’t bathe, nothing. I’m more at a “this is all better things will ever get” state of mind and I know things can and will get worse again. That is life, peaks and valleys but I see the valleys as much, much deeper than the peaks are high. When I ask myself “Is there more to life out there” my automatic answer is “no, there is not.”
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time, Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines, Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way, The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say.
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1 comment:
Last year, at the height of my PTSD, it literally hurt to breathe. Not physically, but emotionally. I too sat and stared into nothingness, eating and general day to day things became too difficult to cope with. All my effort was being expended on trying to keep myself alive and fight the desire to end it all. Nothing and no one could make be believe I would ever feel any better.
I can understand the sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I can empathise with what you're going through. The last thing anybody wants, when they're battling depression, is to be preached at or hear those timeworn cliches. So I'll simply say my thoughts are with you and I sincerely hope the clouds part enough for you to see some sunlight on the horizon.
Best Wishes,
Zathyn
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