Childhood's end

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Listened to “CoastToCoastAM” in which Howard Bloom was the guest. He discussed economic breakdown cycles since the 1600’s. According to Bloom, there is a recession approximately every 10 years and a depression approximately every 70 years. During the Depressions, the technology that allowed the current world superpower becomes obsolete and shortly after the Depression, a new superpower arises. Bloom thinks the Dow will bottom at and remain at 7200 in the near future.

Erin called and said they are changing her schedule at work from 10am – 7pm with Wednesday off to the standard 8-5 Mon through Friday. She isn’t exactly thrilled and is more determined to move closer to her job since she will have to drive 5 days a week now. Watched shows I had taped from last night. “Magic’s Biggest Secrets” showed how the floating or levitation illusion is done (the magician is attached by cables from a large crane). Watched "Locked up abroad - Taiwan" that I had on tape. “Dr. G. Medical Examiner” had a special episode about how not to die. According to Dr. G., the #2 killer in her morgue is obesity and the #1 killer is smoking/nicotine.

You shout in your sleep. Perhaps the price is just too steep. Is your conscience at rest if once put to the test? You awake with a start to just the beating of your heart. Just one man beneath the sky, Just two ears, just two eyes. You set sail across the sea of longpast thoughts and memories. Childhood's end, Your fantasies merge with harsh realities. And then as the sail is hoist, You find your eyes are growing moist. All the fears never voiced say you have to make your final choice. Who are you and who am I to say we know the reason why? Some are born; Some men die beneath one infinite sky. There'll be war, there'll be peace. But everything one day will cease. All the iron turned to rust; All the proud men turned to dust. And so all things, time will mend. So this song will end.

Went to the psychiatrist today and things didn’t go well. Actually, nothing specifically bad happened and I really like my doctor, it is just that he noticed I’m still not doing well. He wants to increase my prozac to 60mg from 40 and said in the future, we might try adding Wellbutrin in as well. I hope the increase in dosage helps but I have my doubts. I am who I am…and this is me. Welcome to my world. The Dr. also said I’m probably borderline with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (I believe he previously said obsessive compulsive disorder, not personality). Who knows? Let’s just say I’ve gone mad and leave it at that!

Before bed, Angela called and we talked for an hour and a half. I know she likes me, she kept saying “you’re so cute” and “you’re so funny.” But, she has her own issues to deal with now, especially with an ex-boyfriend and current coworker named Nick. She is even seeing a therapist to help her deal with the situation. I wish her the best but I’ve got my own issues to battle everyday. I told her to call me when she has a better handle on things. Another fine day full of disappointments.