Don't fear the reaper

Sunday, September 28, 2008
Old man Carl came over at 10am this morning and woke dad up. He stayed for an hour and a half and dad just sat in the chair, wearing only underwear, to talk to him. Then dad went out to the farm and worked with Keeney. I slept 10 hours again last night! My sleep problem had mostly been waking up after 4-5 hours of sleep and not being able to get back to sleep. So I changed from taking my sleeping medicine right before bed to instead taking it when I first wake up, 3-4 hours into the night. So it has definitely helped but 10 hours of sleep is a bit excessive for me. I’ll see how things go, I won’t be able to sleep that much when I have a full times job.

Neither Erin nor I found any good job prospects today. I’m still hoping for a call soon. I hadn’t heard from Amber for days and she messaged me out of the blue today. She’s kind of strange but I don’t have much room to talk. I was so bored I watched “The Simpsons” in which Homer became a bounty hunter and “Desperate Housewives.” I have to admit Housewives was pretty good – the show’s storyline was advanced 5 years and we got to see where everyone was now. I probably just lost the last remaining bit of manliness I still had with that admission. Listened to “Coast to Coast AM” as Linda Moulton Howe was the guest. She discussed cell phone dangers and the disappearance of honeybees. The police video of Ricardo Alfonso Cerna is shocking yet fascinating at the same time. He’s better off than the rest of us now.

Finished chapter 5 of my book on Existentialism today. I like so much about Existentialism but like so much else in life, it leaves me disappointed. The philosophy is so straight forward about the absurdity of life and how there is no meaning to life, other than what we choose to make our own meaning, and there is no special plan guiding our lives. We are all that we have. Yet, then virtually all Existentialists say we should not only accept this fate, but we should embrace it. I can understand their emphasis on accepting this rather than living an inauthentic life and running from it. But embrace it? Why? I can’t embrace the absurdity of life. The idea of embracing it is what seems absurd to me. I may have to accept this but I will not embrace the absurdity of life! For an example of this idea that Existentialists espouse, look at Albert Campus’ “The Myth of Sisyphus.” In this story, Sisyphus is condemned by the Greek gods to spend all of eternity pushing a rock up a big hill only to have the rock roll back down the entire hill when he reaches the top. This is what he will spend his entire life, and all of eternity doing. But, although Sisyphus’s life is meaningless now, he rejects this and defies the gods by embracing the challenge of pushing the rock to the top even though it will always be fruitless. He lives for this challenge and nothing else. Sorry, I’m not buying it! Whether Sisyphus, Campus or anyone else embraces the absurdity of life, it does not change the fact that life is absurd. Again, we have to accept this but we don’t have to embrace it. Embracing absurdity is defeat!

Love of two is one, Here but now they're gone, Came the last night of sadness, And it was clear she couldn't go on, Then the door was open and the wind appeared, The candles blew then disappeared, The curtains flew then he appeared...saying don't be afraid, Come on baby...and she had no fear, And she ran to him...then they started to fly, They looked backward and said goodbye...she had become like they are, She had taken his hand...she had become like they are, Come on baby...don't fear the reaper.

It still stands that the best philosopher is Epicurus. Seek pleasure, avoid pain (including hurting others) and don’t fear death. The greatest destroyer of happiness, thinks Epicurus, is anxiety about the future, especially fear of the gods and fear of death. If one can banish fear about the future, and face the future with confidence that one's desires will be satisfied, then one will attain tranquility, the most exalted state.