Another day, another dollar

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

“A Haunting” was a repeat but I watched “Malcolm in the Middle.” Reese’s buddy from the Army, the girl that played Alex Mack, visited the family. Walked on the treadmill and saw the puppies. Our neighbors have 4 Dachshunds that bark constantly, like all weiner dogs, they are not my favorite breed. Today, I saw a 5^th dog, a puppy, in there yard. I sure hope they are just dog sitting it for someone else! The Festivus Seinfeld episode was on – that and the Kenny Roger’s Roasters episode are my favorites.

National Geographic had a show on Darwin that explained how correct his theory of evolution was and how it still holds up with all the evidence today. Darwin was the first person that really made it ok to view the world as natural and godless. If I had lived before the time of Darwin, I probably would have believed everything I read in the Bible, or whatever religion I was raised in, hook line and sinker. That Epicurus held the beliefs that he did, hundreds of years before Christ and thousands of years before Darwin, makes me even more fond of him as a philosopher.

Watched “Primetime medical mysteries,” which had an interesting segment on people that had a stroke which caused a major creative change in their brain. The people developed new personalities and one guy had to write and rhyme everything and another man had to paint and draw constantly. His paintings were very good and had a Vincent Van Gogh quality to them. Most people would consider these guys crazy now. But who knows what insanity is? My sister and her friend, both psychologists, believe that all super talented people (think Van Gogh or Einstein) have to be a little crazy. That may be true but I like the think they are as normal as everyone else. Of course, our society doesn’t like people that are different so they get labeled as insane. Crazy people kill others but so do perfectly sane people, so that can’t be a distinguishing characteristic. In past times, crazy people were often exalted, such as delusional people that were thought to be religious prophets.

White House press secretary Dana Perino is pretty cute and she graduated from UIS. How cool is that?

I think Jean-Paul Sartre was right, “Hell is other people.” It comes from his play “No Exit.” It follows 3 people in Hell, a man that likes a women but she is a lesbian, the lesbian likes the other woman that is straight, that woman likes the man but he doesn’t find her attractive. So, while I talk about longing to make a connection with people, maybe I’m better off when I don’t. Connections just lead to pain. Outside of my immediate family, every person in my life has let me down. To be fair, I’ve let most of the people, including myself, down in my own life as well. People come and go, they aren’t reliable. I need stability since I don’t deal with change well. Most of my issues come from other people and how they relate to me, including in prior jobs, school and society as a whole. I take some blame as well since I’m sure I project my feelings on others, too. I’ve always marched to a different tune than most of society and you know how our modern society views people that are different and outsiders. The sad thing is, if we all were honest and connected and communicated better, we’d find we all have much more alike, than we have that is different.

I just need to remember that I am extremely lucky that my immediate family is so loving and is here for me. At the same time, I must not forget that other people cannot be trusted since they will always let you down. For this reason, family is important and having a dog – since they won’t let you down either.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dad took the day off to work on the farm. Still no news on the job front here. I’m not getting any calls for interviews and I’ve checked the paper and several websites, there are no new job listings. I’m discouraged. Will anything turn up soon? There are so many people unemployed and businesses are letting go of people so it is not a good time to be looking for a job.

Watched “Malcolm in the Middle,” Reese got married in Vegas while his parents were gone to Dewey’s piano recital. Rachelle sent more pictures of the baby at 4 months of age. The pictures show their whole family down in August at Burgoo. Looking at the pictures, seeing Debra, the baby, and how happy everyone is, reminds me how unhappy our family is. While their family is growing, ours is just smaller since losing mom. It is not just me, I think dad and Erin are kind of lost without mom too. But dad seems to be doing ok or at least he hides his grief better than Erin and I.

Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time.

I saw the dogs and walked on the treadmill so at least I feel like I did something. Erin said she is starting weight watchers today. “20/20” had a segment tonight about how good looking people, both men and women, get many advantages in life, such as better tips and more job advancement. That doesn’t help me, everyone says I’m attractive but too thin, enough to make women self-conscious. Heard from Hilton, my former co-worker and friend. He kind of has a shady side to him but I always liked him and found him entertaining. I haven’t told him or any of my former co-workers about my current situation – such as quitting my last job. I’m ashamed so I just avoid discussing it. Ended the night watching a show on alien abduction. I don’t think it is real, I assume it is a delusion or false memory but I still find the psychology of belief in alien abduction as being fascinating.

I miss the innocence of childhood. I was so happy as a child. Sure, we had to do math homework and go to school, which sucked, but we learn soon enough that the real world is much worse. I miss the security of my childhood. I understand many people don’t have good childhoods but I always felt so secure as a child. I always knew, no matter what happened, mom and dad would support me and take care of my problems. This includes problems that I caused. Now I’m on my own. I understand that is part of growing up but it is scary. America is such a “you’re on your own” society. We’re all taught to be independent, individualistic and self-reliant. The gospel of America is competition. Why can’t we have a society based more on working together than competing with each other? We’re told that the pressures of the marketplace will take care of all problems in society. That certainly is not true. One of the many groups often left out in the cold are the mentally ill. It is very sad that the wealthiest country in the world does not provide more help to the mentally ill. I’m not calling for Communism, just a little bit more of a safety net for those that cannot meet their own basic needs.