To be or not to be?

Monday, October 27, 2008
Finally got internet service back today. The internet service provider sent a guy here and he said the mistake was someone disconnected our cable tv and cable internet but he should have let the internet. The only show worth watching all day was “Dr. G. Medical Examiner” about a diabetic that died of a heroine overdose and a semi-truck driver that died of cardiac arrest while driving. I’ve heard that a heroine overdose is one of the best (painless) ways to go out.

I needed the Chow to come in to give him his twice daily antibiotic pill but he was enjoying the weather outside too much. So, I let Maggie, the Cocker Spaniel, come in and I gave her attention for over half an hour. After that, the Chow was more than willing to come in and take his medicine. Dogs can be so jealous! Maggie enjoyed coming in so much that I let her back in later during the night. Like a dog, one of these days they are going to have to hide my medicine in my food to get me to take it.

Sent Angela a text massage asking why I haven’t heard from her in a while, she said she had a terrible hangover this weekend. Maybe she did. She’s drinking to numb some pain that she has but I don’t know what it is. Rather than drinking, why can’t she just keep a journal about how horrible life is and how every breath is painful – you know…like I do? Maybe her therapist will help her.

I’m dreading tomorrow since I have to go to the doctor with dad. I mean, thank goodness I am available to go with him but I know learning about how to administer insulin and how bad his diabetes has become will send me spiraling down. He likes to skips meals and take his current medicine after many hours of no food intake but he can’t do that with insulin or his blood sugar will drop critically low.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Went to the diabetes doctor with dad. It was every bit as nerve-racking as I thought it might be. The Dr. said dad’s average blood sugar level is 400! Jesus, that is high! That really scares me. Dr said the current guidelines call for blood sugar to be 70-100. Also, dad has lost about 20 pounds but it might not be fat that he has lost, it might be weight he has lost because his blood sugar was so out of control. Great. After losing 1 parent, you automatically worry even more about the remaining parent. We met with a dietician that discussed how and what he should eat. The most important thing is he usually goes all day (literally) without eating and then eats 1, huge meal for supper. As a diabetic, he needs to eat many smaller meals to regulate his blood and so he can take his medicine. He has to start insulin now – 2 shots a day.

Then, when we got home, after seeing the doctor and getting his insulin from the pharmacy, he opened his prescription and realized they gave him syringes instead of a different injection needle he is supposed to use. So, he had to drive all the way back (an hour round trip) to the pharmacy and get things sorted out. Not a good day for him.

I let the Cocker Spaniel in again today to convince the Chow to come in to take his medicine. The Chow wants back out after an hour but the Cocker loves it in the house so dad set let her stay in. She is quite sweet.

My sister found out she will not be getting her professional license for the state of Alabama so that was a disappointment for her. She wanted to move to a warmer climate.

To my surprise, Angela called tonight and we talked for about an hour. I asked if something was wrong and why had she acted strange lately but she swore she is fine. Since she has her own issues, I was comfortable discussing my obsessive-compulsive personality disorder with her. She looked up the diagnosis in her psychology book and agreed the symptoms fit me well. Before bed I watched “Locked Up Abroad: Ecuador.”